How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
