He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
