just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
