Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
