i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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