It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
