They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
