Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
