How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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