As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize