You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
