How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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