I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
