Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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