How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
