you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
