just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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