Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
