She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
