she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We got so high we made milksteak
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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