we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
