This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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