things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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