Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
