Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
