yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize