I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
