it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
