I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
