I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
