Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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