I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
