his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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