I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
