yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
