I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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