I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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