This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
