I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
