Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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