i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
