Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?

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(254): View more from Texas

Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single

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(801): View more from Utah

that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.

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(817): View more from Texas

She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.

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