Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My underwear smells like fireworks.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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