im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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