Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
