You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
