Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
