I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
