You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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