at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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