If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
