if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We left an ass print on the piano.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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