My cat gives me a boner
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
