I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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