I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
