No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize