Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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