operation have a gay friend backfired
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
