so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
