i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
