If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
