This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
