ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
