I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
