It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
