Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
