Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
