Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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