Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Randomize
