I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
