I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
