everyone is single if you try hard enough
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
