i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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