I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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