I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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