Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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