apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
