His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
