I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
