I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
