Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
