The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize