I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
