We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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