Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
