Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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