Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
