Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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