i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
