My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
