I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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