You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
