When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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