One girl and one boy is just not enough.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
